When it comes to your child’s progress, time and repetition are the most significant ingredients. However, how you talk to your child during practice can directly impact both.
Children may resist practice altogether if feedback feels too critical or tense. On the other hand, when feedback is encouraging and constructive, children are more likely to stay motivated, focused, and eager to return the next day. That’s why how you talk during practice matters; it helps create the environment where consistent, joyful repetition can thrive.
The way we give feedback during practice can either build confidence or chip away at it. Too much criticism, especially when vague or harsh, can quickly drain a child’s motivation, damage your relationship, and even make them dread picking up the instrument.
The good news? Encouraging feedback is a skill you can learn and practice, just like anything else.
Use the Lesson as Your Guide
In Suzuki lessons, the parent is essential to the learning system (the Suzuki triangle).
Your job at home is to serve as the “home teacher,” supporting your child as they reinforce what we cover in lessons.
One of the best ways to improve this is to watch how I work with your child in the lesson. Pay attention to the language I use, how I encourage, and how I frame feedback.
I’ve spent years studying how to support children in their learning, so use my approach as a model at home!
Start With What Went Well
Even when something goes wrong during practice, there’s always something to praise.
If your child missed a note, maybe their posture was great. If they forgot a rhythm, maybe their tone was beautiful. Pointing this out helps them feel supported and gives them confidence that they’re doing something right, even as they keep improving.
And the more specific you can be, the better. Try saying things like:
• “I loved how tall your left-hand fingers were on that phrase.”
• “Your right-hand alternation was really even—nice work.”
• “You stayed so focused even when it got tricky. That was awesome.”
Praise Effort Over Outcome
Research shows that praising effort helps children stay resilient. So if your child is struggling, you might say, “I can tell you’re really working hard at this.” This can help shift the tone from “I did something wrong” to “I’m learning something new.”
However, if your child is struggling repeatedly, the problem might not be motivation, but it might be the task size. When a child fails at something repeatedly, it’s often a sign that the material is too challenging. The solution is almost always to slow down or work on a smaller section. Our goal is always small steps that lead to success.
Avoid the Compliment Sandwich
You may have heard the old idea of giving a “compliment sandwich”—a piece of praise, followed by criticism, followed by more praise. In practice, this technique tends to confuse kids and erode trust. They learn to brace for the “but,” and ignore the praise altogether.
Instead, try using neutral observations followed by clear goals. One of my favorite phrases is:
“I really liked your tone when you played there… [PAUSE]… I noticed your third finger wasn’t quite on the tip. Let’s try it again with the same great tone and see if we can get that third finger a little taller.”
That pause is essential.
It helps children process both thoughts separately, instead of having one cancel the other out.
One Focus at a Time
Children can only truly focus on one thing at a time.
That’s why, during practice, we often want to pick just one “practice point.” This might be a posture fix, a technical detail, or a musical element.
If I gave you a practice point during the lesson, stick with that until it becomes consistent.
If I didn’t, here’s a general order I follow when choosing what to focus on:
1) Right-hand position – fingers alternating, wrist relaxed
2) Left-hand position – tall fingers on the tips, relaxed elbow, and wrist
3) Notes – correct pitches and fingering
4) Rhythms – accurate timing and no added pauses. This issue can often be fixed by
listening to the recording more.
5) Musical details – tone, dynamics, phrasing, etc.
If your child seems tired or discouraged, stick to one point. Older or more experienced students can often handle two or three, but only after the first one is going well.
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Tell
One of the easiest ways to give better feedback is to ask questions instead of jumping in with corrections. For example:
• “Was your third finger on the tip that time?”
• “Did you hear a buzz on that note?”
• “How did that feel different from the last time?”
These aren’t leading questions, they’re awareness questions. They help your child reflect, begin to correct things on their own, and become more mindful of their playing.
Celebrate Successes Big and Small
At the end of a piece or practice, it’s helpful to recap what went well. For example:
“You just played that phrase five times with your third finger curled! That’s amazing progress.”
Little victories add up. And pointing them out builds confidence and helps your child end practice on a high note.